Quarantine Reflections - Vulnerability my worst enemy or best friend?

So apparently, this is actually a 14.5 day quarantine (at least in my book). I don't actually get released until the morning of day 15! Hence is why I am still in my quarantine room on day 14 as I am writing this. Yes, yes, this is a minor note, however. Now to the more REAL issues here...

I actually can't be thankful enough for all that I have dug in and learned about myself these last 14 days in isolation. The biggest lesson hit me on day 12 or 13. At that point, yes, I felt I finally accepted myself. However, I had only accepted PART of myself. The outside self I see in the mirror. I realized I had not accepted my INSIDE self as I plotted ways to jump out my hotel window and manage to not die by landing gracefully in the 1.4Meter deep pool 11 floors below me. Hmmm, how would Tom Daley do this?

Once I accepted this was not a good idea because the pool would need to be way way deeper, I also accepted there's something within me that's waiting to get out and it actually has nothing to do with being locked in this hotel room. There's likely something locked in my soul. Whether I am in the hotel room or not, it just needs to spiritual door opened (not a physical one).

I had to give these pain points some attention. Normally I would just go for a walk or buy some diary-free ice cream and keep going on with my life, but those options are out.

There were some things and dreams on the inside of myself I had not accepted or fully owned. They are exciting dreams, but to most they would seem illogical. But HELLO, I'm locked in a room with ME, MYSELF and I. Why would I care? If Jesus blessed me with this beautiful imagination that could serve and help others why would I shove it? It was likely the pain and disapproval for all the small things and fancy dreams I had as a kid. They were dismissed by people around me because someday I had to get a REAL job. This level of vulnerability is quite painful and much easier soothed with binge-watching Netflix. As I mentioned before, I refuse to be untransformed. I realized touching the deepest parts of my dream included pushing past my deepest pain. It's is one of those beautiful things God shows us. It's like the Cross, so raw and revealing and painful, but the greatest display of love to us. Don't ignore those pain points, you deserve your wildest dream. It doesn't cost any money to dream. Just a pen and paper. Does your dream scare you? That's good. That means it will be the most amazing thing you ever do. Write me and tell me all about it!

I love Brene Brown's work: https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_the_power_of_vulnerability?language=en